Saved! Part I

Lies

can do

a lot of harm.

 

Have you ever done some crazy stuff? Did you ever think that some of the crazy stuff you did was maybe because you believed a lie? Lies can do a lot of harm.

My son Josh did some crazy self-destructive stuff because he believed a lie, this lie caused him to attempt suicide twice.

As best a father as I  set out to be, there was always a point where we reached a wall. Just when we were building trust, it would get sabotaged by a misunderstanding, a fight, an accusation. This was followed by shame, (I hate shame!). Anger…and dis-trust would creep back in real subtle like. No home run, no touch down, no big break through.

This lie was implanted in Josh at the age of 3 or 4.

In this true story Josh is 22. What I am saying is that my relationship with my son was blocked for 18 years because he believed a lie. My ability to be a father to him was prevented by this lie.

Up until the night of July 4, 2009 when the lie revealed itself.

When I finally came face to face with this beast of a lie, after losing out on 18 years of my life, you bet I was ready to get Josh back, and thank God, I did.

Excerpt from my book “The Coolness of Josh” by Marc Swift:

                                                   Saved

Somehow I was almost glad we were coming face-to-face with this hate from my son. I had lived with this hatred in him toward me almost all his life, without knowing why it was there.

Now, sitting face-to-face with Josh’s hostility, I could hear what the wounded heart of the boy inside him was thinking:

‘If my father loved me he would have been there to protect me.’

That was painful to me, because I always wanted to be there for my son.

And then, praying for healing, something dreadful dawned on me. There was more that was being implied.

I realized that the first lie had gotten twisted, like the wicker in the baskets we both hated and laughed about during our healing phone conversation.

Josh’s wound was relentlessly festering with doubt, as if trapped in a spell that slowly poisoned and steadily haunted him for years with a malicious accusation:

‘The reason your father wasn’t there to protect you, was that your father was in on it. He was giving it the ‘okay’–and looking the other way. Your dad didn’t want to protect you because he didn’t love you. He wanted to hurt you’.

Aiding and abetting.

That I had been a sadistic, passive accomplice to my wife’s molestation and abuse.

Now I knew the reason for the hatred.

My wife and the devil through her had instilled it in Josh, against me, his father.

Our future seemed to totter in the balance, ever so briefly, while both Josh and Dr. Bendler stared at me, awaiting my response.

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7 Responses to Saved! Part I

  1. Charlotte

    I feel the struggle and pain that preceded the victory. The hurt and shame is heartwrenching; and ALL can identify at some level based on our own personal experiences. The wicker basket analogy is perfect – illustrates the convoluted twisting of the truth into lies. The basket appears to be a tightly knit, impossible puzzle. Praise God that by His grace, love prevailed and Josh and you were healed.

  2. Thank you! What a challenge it was. I am amazed that we broke through what seemed impossible. God made it possible. Even with God’s help, it took almost one year to get to this place of healing.

  3. Char

    To be trapped in your situation for so long; and for Josh to be trapped as well is heartbreaking. This is when the restoration scripture comes to mind where God promises to restore what has been stolen from you; and Josh. Josh’s love, and peace had been stolen from both of you; only to be restored. Praise God for the victory; and freedom through His healing!

  4. Yeah, that’s it. Restoration. Josh wanted this to happen, he just did not know how to get to it. Am I glad I could be there!

    • Char

      Josh didn’t need to know how to achieve restoration. That’s God’s gift; and no human can manufacture it. We can open ourselves to it; joyfully receive it; and give Him all the glory for it! To be there to share the restoration with Josh was also God’s gift because it brought you back into unity as father and son.

  5. Marc I am flabbergasted. I cannot believe that a mother can be that cruel. Poor Josh. Poor you. So many precious wasted years…. I thank God for the healing and reunion. Have you managed to forgive Josh’s mother?

    • Hi Tersia! Thank God the ending was so amazing…Have you read my book yet? As for the forgiveness question. The forgiveness came because I was able by the grace of God to stand up to her and gain back my ground. You have to stand up to the evil because it is unrepentant. You can’t ‘forgive’ it. You have to stand strong against it and represent the truth. Knowing that God did Josh the ultimate Justice gave me the ability to forgive…I could say, “He’s got me covered, He’s got Josh covered. Let her go!”

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