a lot of harm.
Have you ever done some crazy stuff? Did you ever think that some of the crazy stuff you did was maybe because you believed a lie? Lies can do a lot of harm.
My son Josh did some crazy self-destructive stuff because he believed a lie, this lie caused him to attempt suicide twice.
As best a father as I set out to be, there was always a point where we reached a wall. Just when we were building trust, it would get sabotaged by a misunderstanding, a fight, an accusation. This was followed by shame, (I hate shame!). Anger…and dis-trust would creep back in real subtle like. No home run, no touch down, no big break through.
This lie was implanted in Josh at the age of 3 or 4.
In this true story Josh is 22. What I am saying is that my relationship with my son was blocked for 18 years because he believed a lie. My ability to be a father to him was prevented by this lie.
Up until the night of July 4, 2009 when the lie revealed itself.
When I finally came face to face with this beast of a lie, after losing out on 18 years of my life, you bet I was ready to get Josh back, and thank God, I did.
Excerpt from my book “The Coolness of Josh” by Marc Swift:
Somehow I was almost glad we were coming face-to-face with this hate from my son. I had lived with this hatred in him toward me almost all his life, without knowing why it was there.
Now, sitting face-to-face with Josh’s hostility, I could hear what the wounded heart of the boy inside him was thinking:
‘If my father loved me he would have been there to protect me.’
That was painful to me, because I always wanted to be there for my son.
And then, praying for healing, something dreadful dawned on me. There was more that was being implied.
I realized that the first lie had gotten twisted, like the wicker in the baskets we both hated and laughed about during our healing phone conversation.
Josh’s wound was relentlessly festering with doubt, as if trapped in a spell that slowly poisoned and steadily haunted him for years with a malicious accusation:
‘The reason your father wasn’t there to protect you, was that your father was in on it. He was giving it the ‘okay’–and looking the other way. Your dad didn’t want to protect you because he didn’t love you. He wanted to hurt you’.
Aiding and abetting.
That I had been a sadistic, passive accomplice to my wife’s molestation and abuse.
Now I knew the reason for the hatred.
My wife and the devil through her had instilled it in Josh, against me, his father.
Our future seemed to totter in the balance, ever so briefly, while both Josh and Dr. Bendler stared at me, awaiting my response.